Premier Doug Ford,
My Very Dear Premier Ford,
I fear I have neglected you terribly. When you scored your historic victory back on June 7, 2018, punting the evil Liberals into outer darkness and restoring democracy and good government to our province, I promised to provide you with regular readings from the applause meters we have installed across Ford Nation.
While you went from success to success, Sir, I let you down. I have not written to you since last April. However, I have made a new decade’s resolution. I am resolved to keep you intimately apprised of the support (overwhelming) your government continues to enjoy and the appreciation (deep) the people of Ontario have for the sacrifices you are making on their behalf.
No sacrifice could be greater than the one you made a couple of weeks ago when you announced you will not be a candidate for the leadership of the federal Conservative party. A ragged pack of has-beens and never-weres is already pawing the ground, impatient for the race to begin. But none of them is big enough to carry your track shoes.
I’m confident the good people of Ontario would you cheer you on if you were to trade provincial office for federal politics. I predict there would be spontaneous dancing in the streets from Windsor to Timmins to Cornwall, if you accepted the mantel of Andrew Scheer and moved to Ottawa. Ford Nation’s loss would be Canada’s gain.
Mind you, there are some skeptics, some naysayers, who contend your lack of French will forever prevent you from being prime minister. Nonsense! John Diefenbaker couldn’t speak French either – and it didn’t stop him, did it?
But your real reason for declining to take the path to glory in the nation’s capital is something else. It’s your sense of duty. It is profound. You will not leave us until you complete your mission in Ontario.
You have begun magnificently. You have opened Ontario for business, changed the color of the licence plates, introduced $1 beer to thirsty Ontarians, increased the deficit, and stonewalled the ridiculous demands of teachers, students and parents for manageable class sizes.
Like brave Horatius at the Bridge, you have defended Ontario against the federal government, tree-huggers and the legions of anxious scientists who make a big deal out of climate change. Not only are you taking the feds to the Supreme Court of Canada over Justin’s job-killing carbon tax, you have introduced progressive countermeasures of your own.
For bargain price of just $231 million in taxpayer funds, you have managed to scrap the foolhardy green energy projects that you inherited from the evil Ontario Liberals. So much for all those crazy windmills in Prince Edward County.
By cancelling the Liberals’ rebate to buyers of electric vehicles, you reduced the sales of EVs in Ontario by 55 per cent (in the first six months of 2019 compared to 2018). Sales in the second quarter shrank from 7,110 last year to 2,933 this year, earning Ontario the distinction of being the only province where EV sales are not rising. Well done, Mr. Premier!
For good measure, your crown agency, Metrolinx, ripped 24 EV charging stations out of the parking lots at 12 GO train stations in the Greater Toronto Area. A smart move, Sir. Those charging stations could never make money until there are lots of electric cars on the road – and that will never happen under your enlightened leadership.
The way I see it, Mr. Ford, you have made a splendid start as premier, but much remains to be done in Ontario.
To be frank, Sir, the federal Conservatives don’t deserve a leader like you. The fools, they thought you would be a drag on Scheer’s coattails as he swept Ontario in the federal election. Remember how they tried to hide you from public view? They didn’t even acknowledge your existence. That had to hurt, Sir.
The federal party is not worthy of you. Ontario loves you and needs you.
Carry on, Horatius!
Your unrelenting admirer,